Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter to all of Team Maddox! I hope you all have a very blessed and happy Easter! 

"He has Risen... Have Faith in Him.. And he will Always be there for you!" 

Sharing this picture because this was a photo taken on Easter Sunday a few years ago.. Brandon, Maddox & I had "Easter In Hollywood".. We went to the Hollywood sign and then we went to Malibu.. This was taken in Malibu.. It was very windy but so peaceful! We had such a great family day.. I miss my sweet baby boy more than words can describe... I love him so much.. I was thinking lately how hard this year has been.. It has been imaginable.. Yes I am doing okay.. I am hanging in there & taking it one day at a time but it has been a struggle.. The hardest part of all of this is the unknown.. I know it isn't my fault but I blame myself for so many things.. I wish I would of listened to the signs.. Right before I even went to Oklahoma, I swear things were trying to stop me from going.. First the ceiling in my bathroom collapsed.. Then day before we were supposed to leave my car wouldn't start.. Then the day Maddox got lost.. I had such a bad feeling.. I can't even explain it.. Brandon said you always have a bad feeling and I do but because I always hated leaving my baby. I hated being away from him.. I typically cried when we dropped him off anywhere.. And this time was different... He was so sad when we left.. I have recently had flashbacks of that face. I pray to God with all my heart & soul, that is not the last time I get to see him.. I want to see his happy face.. Not his sad face. I want to hug him and kiss him and tell him how proud of him I am.. I want him to know I love him with all my heart and soul.. I want him to know I am not mad at him for running away.. I am not mad at him for anything.. I am proud of him for being so strong.. being a survivor.. for being such an amazing little guy!!!

Wherever he is I hope he knows his Mommy & Daddy will never give up searching for him! And when he is home, we will do all his favorite things.. and he will get lots of balls.. I have so many new toys waiting for him..

WE LOVE YOU MADDOX!!!! I hope wherever you are you got your easter basket present.. We have one for you here.. I will give it to you when you are finally home!   ='''((((((

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