Bring Maddox Home

Two years ago today was one of the happiest days of my life.. My wedding day in paradise!
I admit though that was a difficult period in my life because a year before I lost my best friend...the one person in my life that was always there for me no matter what.. My Mom..
She left us very sudden & very unexpected at only 57 years young. My wedding day was one I always dreamed of but only with her there... When we started planning out wedding.. I had 2 conditions.. 1) It had to be near the water and 2) Maddox had to be there.. Those were my conditions because after grieving for months the first time I felt peace was one day Maddox and I went to the beach all by ourselves in the middle of the week.. I can't explain it but this wave of peace surrounded me and Maddox and I had the best day ever!! We laughed, we played ball, I think that is the day we even saw a seal on the beach.. After that day I knew my Mom was still there... I felt her so much that day... So the one thing I learned while grieving the loss of my Mom was to find that peaceful place & never let it go...and that's what I did.. Any holiday, birthday, any rough day we went to the beach...

Well now I have no peaceful place.. I can't go to the Beach without Maddox.. =""((( I know he is out there & on my wedding day even though he did not get to go because Hawaii had weird quarantine laws and I did not want to risk him being quarantined so he stayed in Cali with out good friends...And one of the best parts of my day was getting this picture... I love my baby so much and this smile showed me he was so happy for his Mommy & Daddy... This smile is what kills me today because I miss it so much.., he has the perfect smile with the cutest dimples that melts my heart.... I love this little guy so much and we have this bond that I can't even explain... I miss him & feel so lost & empty without him & I do want to be happy but I can't be happy when he isn't with me.. =""((((
I hope & pray I can find my peaceful place again but I don't know how since Maddox was the key to that place.. His smile showed me how to enjoy life again, his kisses showed me I was loved & I would be okay, his silliness showed me how to laugh again...
Maddox please come home! Mommy & Daddy & your two sisters love you & are waiting for you! We LOVE You! And as this pics says we wish you were here too!:((((